{"id":3519,"date":"2024-04-12T12:41:49","date_gmt":"2024-04-12T10:41:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/omnia-says.com\/?p=3519"},"modified":"2024-04-12T12:42:39","modified_gmt":"2024-04-12T10:42:39","slug":"fgm-you-are-an-ice-cube-the-english-ver","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/omnia-says.com\/?p=3519","title":{"rendered":"FGM: \u201cYou are an ice cube\u201d – The English Ver."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cYou are an ice cube, you don\u2019t feel; you don\u2019t love; you don\u2019t <\/strong>have<\/strong> desire\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By: Omnia Ibrahim<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Blogger and independent film maker<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They whisper about sex and talk about it secretly, with fear. And if a woman dares to mention it, the alarm bells go off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our society decided that the best way to deal with this taboo topic was to impose on us female circumcision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was 11 when I learnt that harsh lesson. I was that young when they took the knife to my genitals, I knew that day that my right to be a complete human being had gone. And that any attempt to know and understand my body is an unforgivable sin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I never came near that part of my body for 30 years, even while showering or getting dressed, My body and I became strangers. I feared my own reflection, so I stopped looking at the mirror, the object that became my worst enemy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They taught me that a body means sex and that sex is a sin. To my mind my body had become a curse, so I run away from it with everything I have got.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But despite all of that I was aware of the transformation my body was going through as I grew older, and it terrified me. I waited to be punished for that heinous crime of being a woman. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I struggle with thoughts about my sexual orientation, how would I know it? I used to always ask myself: did I hate sex because I was taught to be afraid of, or do I really not care for it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many friends make fun of me telling me I\u2019m going against nature for not wanting to marry. They say \u2018marry\u2019 because they\u2019re afraid to call it \u2018sex\u2019. You see, in our society sexual relations must remain within acceptable social framework.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a close friend proposed to me I didn\u2019t experience any of the romantic feelings or sexual attraction I used to hear others describe, actually It was the complete opposite. I used to feel annoyed by his insistence on intimacy. I was torn between not wanting to lose him and not being able to let him touch me. I was, consciously or unconsciously, trying to master the art of acting to pretend that I was responsive, hopefully then I would look like other normal girls. But because of that and after each time I had to go through all this, I hated him, hated myself, hated my body, hated sex, hated my family and hated the entire society.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would come back after seeing him feeling like I\u2019m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wished I had the ability to not fall in love or to even be invisible to others so I could avoid this pain.

*<\/strong> I tried many times to explain my fears, pain and confusion to him. I tried to explain that going through female circumcision and sexual harassment makes any attempt of intimacy feels like a nightmare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He was an understanding person, or at least he was trying to understand me. I was not sure. He was trying to calm me down saying that everything would be fine, But deep inside I knew that the whole marriage preparation was like a theatrical play, in the right moment I would announce that I would not marry him, knowing that doing so would break his heart – and mine as well.

Each time he was betting on the love I had for him – that was a lot – thinking that love would save our relationship and sort out everything. But each time sex defeated him \u2013 I really could not feel like being intimate so we broke up for good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Against the society\u2019s will, I have taken a decision not to marry anyone \u2013 despite getting several marriage proposals, by friends and Acquaintances, I have decided neither to fall in love, nor to make love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The word that would describe how complicated my feelings were, does not exist yet. It is so difficult to explain to you what I was going through, yet I still wonder, would this all be different had I were alright? Would I feel different had I had a complete body and a whole soul? A body that I would love, a body that I won\u2019t be afraid of touching or showing to a beloved, Who would see the missing part of me and would most likely dislike it. That would hurt my heart deeply and break my soul for good. That\u2019s why I reject intimacy from the beginning shutting out any attempt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I watch movies showing warm hugs and morning kisses, I wish I had my own love. I wish I was the one for somebody. But then I feel irritated and terrified when I remember that the ending of this scenario has to be in bed in a sexual relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have learnt in a lecture on women and psychology that the circumcised woman can reach orgasm and have good sexual life, but this requires patience and huge understating from the partner, this should give me hope,  But I still cannot imagine that a stranger can touch me and that he would see that part of my body. The part that, for me, represents hatred, hurt and violence exercised against me. How could my brain grasp that sex would not be another act of violence?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The translation Done By BBC<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

2018 \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0642\u0627\u0644\u0629 \u0628\u0627\u0644\u0639\u0631\u0628\u064a \u0646\u0634\u0631\u062a \u0639\u0644\u0649 \u0628\u064a \u0628\u064a \u0633\u064a \u0641\u064a 1 \u062f\u064a\u0633\u0645\u0628\u0631 <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/arabic\/magazine-46393649<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou are an ice cube, you don\u2019t feel; you don\u2019t love; you don\u2019t have desire\u201d By: Omnia Ibrahim Blogger and independent film maker They whisper about sex and talk about it secretly, with fear. And if a woman dares to mention it, the alarm bells go off.  Our society decided that the best way to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3520,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[209],"tags":[224,66,186,225],"class_list":["post-3519","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-english-ver-blogs","tag-bbc","tag-fgm-","tag-my-work","tag-225"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFGM: \u201cYou are an ice cube\u201d - The English Ver. - Omnia Says<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/omnia-says.com\/?p=3519\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"FGM: \u201cYou are an ice cube\u201d - The English Ver. - Omnia Says\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cYou are an ice cube, you don\u2019t feel; you don\u2019t love; you don\u2019t have desire\u201d By: Omnia Ibrahim Blogger and independent film maker They whisper about sex and talk about it secretly, with fear. 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